Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dicks are not precious.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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