Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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