I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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