That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
