It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
