I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize