I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
