Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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