I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
