im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
