I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
