it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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