Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
