Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
