she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
