you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
