there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize