He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
