I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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