Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
