great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
