why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
