She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
