Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
