do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
