Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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