You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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