Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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