booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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