so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize