I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
