I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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