my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
