There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
