How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
