Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
