I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
