Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
4 words: hood of his car
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
