when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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