If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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