My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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