was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize