I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
