Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
