the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
