You're completely useless in the revolution.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
