I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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