$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
