saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
