6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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