bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
