As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
