I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
