So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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