kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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