I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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