I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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