The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think my vagina is haunted
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize