Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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