Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
