I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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