why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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