can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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