I just saw a hot homeless man
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
