How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
