last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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