Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize