the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
