Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
