Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
