Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
