he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
