I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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