I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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