I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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